She and Me
"Thas the alphabet. Twenty-six letters in all.
Them letters make up words. Them words everything."
P is for Precious,
Pain to describe me.
R is for Race,
Ridiculous I can be.
E is for Escape for her,
Emotions run my life.
Can, can, can, she says,
Cannot because of strife.
I for inferior,
Independent I can be.
O so outrageous,
Original you may see.
U for ugliness,
Unique I wish I were.
Sssssssassy she is,
Spontaneity is the cure.
These letters form words,
These words tell a tale.
These letters mean something,
No, we won't fail.
Two different people,
Struggling to find our way.
Yet we are one in the same,
Beat the odds we may.
We can change who we are,
We can change how we see.
Stop telling us no,
We can be what we want to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conflicted Mind
Anger, Confusion, Questions, Lies,
My head is spinning to figure out why.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
Torture, Rape, sick to my stomach.
Fat, Ugly, Wreaking havoc.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
Furious, Aggravated, Confused and Depressed.
Nauseating, Disgusting, describing the incest.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
Forget it, Forget it, I am in a far away place.
Forget it, Forget it, I wish I could escape.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
Skinny, Perfect, Beautiful and Free,
That's really how my life should be.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
Smart, Literate, Famous and Pretty,
Someday I will be and depart this city.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
Change it, Change it, I'm doing my best,
Get out, get out, get it off of my chest.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
Low-income, Welfare, Baby and School,
You will see that I'm not a fool.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
This man, my father, sick in the head,
Have sex with him, I'd rather be dead.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
Help me, Help me, this is so fucked up,
Everyone at school thinks that I'm a slut.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
Too young, Too young, Too young to quit,
On all of the negative things I spit.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
Let me finish, I will learn to read,
If you kick me out now, my heart will bleed.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
A better future for my kids you see,
That's all that I hope will be.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
Questions of who their daddy was,
This creates a shame buzz.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
Go to school, my life will be great,
Who knows, someday I may even find my soul mate.
Why would this happen to me?
Why can't anyone see?
No one could see, because I didn't deal,
I couldn't even believe it was real.
This happened to me, that's all there is to it,
Someday I will think my life will fit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perfect…Or Not
I'm crusin' in my Mercedes Benz convertible. I'm lookin' at myself in the rearview mirror thinkin' I have it good. Life is good. My long, loosely curled blonde hair flyin' in the wind, I puker my lips and smooch the air. These bad ass vintage sunglasses look hot on me. Damn I'm beautiful. What to do next? Buy me a hot bathing suit to make all the boys jealous. My perfect, white body like a supermodel's. I'll just take momma's credit card to Cross Creek. Buy all the shit I want. Maybe my boyfriend will come with me, he likes to spoil me. Maybe he'll get me some nice jewelry and take me for a romantic dinner. He plays in the NBA. Tall, handsome, sexy. We are perfect together. People stare as we walk holding hands. The people, they notice me. They come up for my autograph when we sit at dinner. That's what you get when you are a famous singer these days. People get all crazy, but I love it. I love the attention, it makes me more money. I love my huge house. Right on the ocean, I have my own private beach. I try out my new sexy suit. Looks hot on me, of course. I see people takin' pictures of me again. I do some sexy poses for them. Sure I'll see it in the news later. Momma calls, says she misses me. I go to visit my parents, they live in a mansion in Bel Air. That's near Hollywood. Momma sees me pull up and gives me a huge ass hug. Like she hasn't seen me for years. It's been three days. I walk in the house and inhale an amazing smell. Daddy's been makin' fried chicken, my favorite.
If only…
I hate myself. I'm fat and ugly. Constantly feeling useless, having no money, barely makin' it. All the people in my building are black. I hear screams in the night. Barely any room to move, my room so tiny. I think that's how it's supposed to be. I wonder every day if other people from my class are forced to have sex with their father. Is it normal? Am I supposed to feel good or be disgusted? My gut is telling me this is wrong, but maybe it's not wrong. Maybe that’s just the way it is. I don't like it. It hurts. He's mean to me. No. It is not right. I had two babies, not with someone that I love like how it's supposed to be. With my gross father. People don't wanna know. I don't wanna know. I want to forget. Push forward.
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